i take it personally

I’ve always found it hard to ignore things. I remember being very little, still a child, watching television one morning. A commercial came on for some charity, probably save the children or something. It came on in between other commercials, probably for cheerios or shaving cream. I remember how I couldn’t forget about it, felt an impulse to help, and felt somehow horrified that the commercial for these children, just like me only suffering, had been sandwiched between mundane ads. I think it was one of the first moments that I realized that bad things can happen, people can know about them, but they happen anyway and nobody stops them. When I became a vegetarian, and especially when I stayed one, it was because of this same impulse. I could not ignore the suffering I knew happens so that I could eat a food I didn’t truly need. No more than I can now ignore the cries of my child when he believes, in his brand new brain that he needs me, even if I know he’s all right. I’ve always taken things personally, in that I’ve always felt responsible to live my life in a way that doesn’t contribute to the suffering that I can’t justify and don’t see a reason for.

But now I find it even more difficult. Before when I thought of war, an image was brought to my mind of a young man in fatigues, wearing a helmet above his dirty face. Now I think of my son, and the other mothers out there whose boys are grown and wearing the fatigues. And similarly, I sometimes can’t help but take some politics personally. You see I want more than anything else to help fight for a world that will be kind to my son, even as my greatest desire is to raise a boy that is kind to the world. Maine right now is voting on a motion to repeal a law allowing same-sex couples to marry. I believe these campaigns are fostered because of people’s religious views about marriage. And this is what I don’t understand and have a hard time not taking personally. I want my son to grow up in a state where people love each other, are committed to each other, and raise their children with intention, stability and creativity. I don’t think it matters how old they are, what religion they are, what color they are or what gender.


I want my son to grow up in a state that in many ways is “old-fashioned”, where he will learn to help a neighbor, grow some food, save a dollar, be happy with less, practice gratitude and get to know the place around him. I want him to grow up in a place welcoming of others, compassionate to all and in this way moral, where he will learn to do the right thing. I don’t understand how judgment and a lack of compassion are moral, and if there is one thing I hope to teach him, it is to embrace diversity.

So when I see political signs up all over, the one’s that give an outcry of peace, love and acceptance give me hope. When I see the ones that imply judgment, what I perceive as warped stodgy morality, and views of a world that I don’t understand, they would depress me, but I don’t have that luxury now. For I think it is my responsibility to do my best to create a world I hope some day my son is proud to live in, where he feels safe not just in body, but in spirit.